If you haven’t heard of the concept of holding space then reading this post and understanding how it can heal may be a turning point in your life. It was for me.
A special friend of mine, Alena introduced me to this concept when I was in the depth of a family challenge which was creating turmoil and heartbreak for my husband and I.
I was doing a lot of reading about mental health, meditation and mindfulness. I was already making more time for myself, to calm my worries and stresses, which also opened my eyes to new approaches to parenting and supporting our teenage daughter through her own challenges.
However, the full concept of holding space and how it can heal I hadn’t fully grasped until this conversation. I then started to research this profound concept of holding space, what it actually meant and how it might help our family.
Understanding Holding Space
Holding space is essentially creating a safe, supportive environment for individuals to explore their thoughts, emotions, and experiences without fear of judgment or interruption.
To hold space you need to be fully present, to listen with empathy, and offer unconditional support.
Holding space is not just a passive act of being present, it’s an intentional and deeply empathetic way of supporting someone on their journey of healing and self-discovery.
Holding Space for your Child
Holding space for your children means being fully present and attentive when they express their thoughts and feelings. It means validating their experiences, even if you don’t fully understand them, and offering them the support they need to navigate life’s challenges.
By holding space for a child, you cultivate a strong sense of trust and emotional intimacy, which forms the foundation for healthy relationships.
For us, our daughter was a teenager and managing a variety of challenges at school and with friends, which resulted in a deterioration of her mental and physical health.
Like most parents, we wanted to fix the pain and find solutions for her but our search for answers wasn’t working and our approach needed to change.
Realising that if we learned to truly hold the space for her without judgment, expectations or trying to fix the situation, then this may give her the time to find her own answers and heal herself with us by her side.
As parents, we play a crucial role in creating a nurturing environment where our children feel safe to express themselves authentically.
Holding space can strengthen this bond between parent and child, fostering a sense of security and belonging.
It’s not easy as parents, we want to protect our children and often we feel we know the answers, but what we learned was that stepping back from our expectations and being open to parenting differently is sometimes needed, and in fact maybe a better way to parent.
When children feel seen and heard they are more likely to develop healthy self-esteem, emotional intelligence, and resilience. They learn that it’s safe to express themselves authentically and that their feelings are valid, laying the groundwork for positive mental health throughout their lives.
Holding Space for Yourself
I also discovered that I needed to hold space for myself.
This meant giving myself permission to feel and process my own emotions without self-judgment. It involved practicing self-compassion and self-care, and allowing myself the time and space to recharge and reflect.
There was a lot going on for us and my health was suffering. I could feel my worries and stress feeding our daughters. I needed to model healthy emotional regulation in order to create a more harmonious family life for all of us to thrive.
Offering yourself love, compassion and acceptance is so important for your own healing.
Holding space as an Holistic Counsellor
Holding space is commonly associated with counseling and therapy, but as you can see, its principles can also be applied to everyday life, especially in parenting, and for your own inner healing.
Holistic counsellors hold space for clients in a similar way a parent holds space for a child. This is why I have been drawn to this therapy as I have seen first hand how powerful it can be.
In holistic counselling, we recognise that each person is unique and has their own inner wisdom to tap into for healing and growth.
Holding space is a nurturing container that allows you to delve into your deepest feelings and fears without feeling rushed or pressured. It’s about offering a non-judgmental presence where you can feel seen, heard, and understood.
How Holding Space Heals
When we hold space for ourselves and others, profound transformations can occur.
For myself and our family, it allowed us to remove our expectations, be mindful and calm in our daily life, communicate on a deeper level and allow time and space to heal.
It took us a while to grasp the concept of holding space and took some time to adjust and allow the effects to ripple through our lives but it truly was a game changer for us all.
In counseling, just as in parenting, holding space can lead to breakthroughs in self-awareness, healing from past traumas, and the development of new coping skills.
The result is feeling lighter, more empowered, and better equipped to navigate life’s challenges.
Holding space is truly a powerful practice that can profoundly impact our lives and relationships.
Whether in parenting or counseling, the art of holding space requires empathy, presence, and unconditional support. By embracing this practice, we create the space for healing, growth, and connection to flourish.
By holding space for ourselves and our children, we can nurture a culture of compassion and understanding that enriches our lives in immeasurable ways.
I talk with Alena Turley about holding space for our daughter and our family on her podcast Unboxable – listen to it HERE.
If you would like to know more about this concept or are interested in experiencing the power of holding space with your own one-on-one counselling, reach out to me HERE.
